Captain's Log: Encounter with Paul Komo
Having received a 419 scam offer from a man claiming to be Paul Komo in my
normal email, I created a Hotmail account and replied to him with an offer of
interest. I wanted to see if he'd pick up on the fact that this was an email
address he hadn't mailed anything to before.
A simple IP check traced him to a small ISP in... Lagos, Nigeria. Fancy that.
For ease of reading, his letters are in green, my
responses are in black, and any editorial comments I
have are in blue italics.
PAGE 6
So, on Memorial Day (which I had to spend working, bleh) I get the following email from Paul:
Happy Holidays
Good morning uncle,
You make me feel good like when my father was alive.
Oh, sure. I bet.
I received the picture of my fellow brother David Marcus whom the evil men took away from you, but whatever the case maybe, GOD will surely take him by his side Amen.
I was wondering when he'd bring God into the picture again. This is always a tried and true tactic to try and ingratiate oneself with those you want to take money from.
I think that the money you used for account is ok.
Uncle, I think you should not worry mush when I come to USA I will know the type of course I will do, to avoid mistake, I can not use African brain to answer that now until I come hahaha.
I think he's trying a bit of self-depreciating humor here. That's also another tried and true method to try and get someone to like you better.
Uncle, my people says that the meat that is the house looks some how writhing the family, I mean people around you will not know your what .
I think he's trying to confuse me here. Or advise me on to how to cook meat.
Uncle, I think the idea of your kitchen stadium is good and I think it can work because you know everything about it.
I will wait till Tuesday, with GOD all things are possible. The GOD that provides you to me, will not let me slumber. As far as you promise to send me money on Tuesday, I will not die before then after all I fast for six to six.
Translation: I have to wait until Tuesday to get the money, so, erm, it's not as dangerous as before. But I still need the money.
I think the lawyer will reach you today, because yesterday was Sunday. So please try and comply with him to avoid threatening me, you know when they see small boy like me having such amount of money, it makes them mad. I will be leaving for now till Tuesday.
Have a good holidays.
Nephew Paul.
Now, unfortunately, due to time differences, that email didn't arrive until about 5:30pm my time, and I was gone for the rest of the day (after all, it was the bi-monthly HERO system game that day). Paul apparently was getting either worried, or impatient, as he sent the following emails on Tuesday after not hearing from me that day (what can I say, I was busy!).
Holiday
Good morning uncle,
I just want to know how you feel, How was the holiday?? I hope cool? I will be waiting to hear from you today, because there was some documents the lawyer requested from me, which I have to go down my village to get my late fathers file. I will be happy to receive a favorable mail from you today.
God bless you uncle Jim. Regards, Paul.
Hear from you??
Uncle Jim,
I wonder why I did not hear from you uptill now, I hope all is well?? please talk to me before I die. Please I need your help to aneble me rush to the village for the documents the lawyer requested from me. Still waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Paul.
Oh, that's right. He said he wouldn't die until Tuesday at the least. Well, I suppose I owed the Lad an explanation.
>Good morning uncle,
>I just want to know how you feel, How was the
>holiday?? I hope cool?
The one day holiday was quite enjoyable. I took a little excursion to Risa for the day. My my, my, I had forgotten how beautiful the dabbo girls were. I lost a bit of money, too. But I guess sometimes when you're in the heat of a really good game, you tend to lose track of a thousand here, a thousand there, you know?
I also told a few friends of mine about a "long lost nephew" and I showed them your picture! They all commented on how handsome, strong and intelligent you are. And don't worry, I didn't mention a thing about the money, just that you would be coming to Maryland soon to study at Miskatonic University.
See? I'm keeping everything a secret, just like I
said. Besides, how could a rich person like me be dishonest?
>I will be waiting to hear from
>you today, because there was some documents the lawyer
>requested from me, which I have to go down my village
>to get my late fathers file.
>
>I will be happy to receive a favorable mail from you
>today.
>
>God bless you uncle Jim.
>
>Uncle Jim, I wonder why I did not hear from you uptill
>now, I hope all is well?? please talk to me before I
>die.
>
>Please I need your help to aneble me rush to the
>village for the documents the lawyer requested from
>me.
>
>Still waiting to hear from you.
I am SO sorry, my dearest grandest neuralgic nephew! I was stuck in a shareholder's meeting ALL day today at work. It turns out that I had to give a progress report on the Fleet ship's ablative armor coating. there was also the semi annual profit and loss potluck, and then I had to explain to the assembled board meeting how I was able to speed up productivity by 50 percent without increasing my
overhead costs.
The secret to that was me having to bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish, after setting up a neutrino
field and then rerouting power through the secondary system functions.
And explaining that took HOURS.
First of all, since I know I'm gonna get email about this, "neuralgic" means pain. But anyhow, I wanted to trot out some more Trek and technobabble references, so there you are. The bit about particle beams and deflector dishes is actually from the Voltaire parody "The USS Make Shit Up".
But don't worry, my nephew, I haven't forgotten you. I've just gotten back from stopping at the notary public, actually. I need to send your lawyer a form that the US government requires, and then I can send him his payment. I'm going to make it a nice, round $3,000 dollars, to cover any additional forms that he may need to get.
It's always a good idea to wave a little money in
front of a scammer's face to make sure they don't lose interest. And what of the
form? Well, you'll see it yourself in another email or two, but it basically
goes like this: a scammer will say that they need money to pay for certain
documents, and after they pay you the money, they'll send you some laughably
fake documents that mean absolutely nothing. While asking for advice on a scam
baiting message board, it was pointed out that since most of these scammers will
mention the need for these phony documents somewhere in the offer, they will
HAVE to accept any phony ones I cooked up if they wanted me to fork anything
over for theirs. That gave me an idea for something to give to the lawyer
later...
And don't think I didn't include you in this, either! I mailed a 100 dollar bill to:
PAUL KOMO
ABIDJAN COTE D'IVORE
I had wondered if I needed a country or postal code, but I figured it was better for me to send that money out form the post office now rather than delay my nephew even another day! I had to use an awful lot of stamps.
See! I say I've sent money to him... but in cash!
And to that address! I wish I could have been there to see his face.
The offshore bank account that I deposited several thousand dollars in should be active by now as well, so please, if there's anything you need in the interim, please feel free to take small sums, okay?
Now, even though I made sure not to forget my nephew, I think there may have been a few things you may have forgotten I'd asked you, nephew.
For my kitchen stadium, I need to come up with an exotic sounding title that conveys the fact that these are STRONG COOKS. Like maybe "Steel Cook" or "Silver
Chef master".
Are there any words in Nigerian for strong, and words in Nigerian for cook? I was thinking I could ask you for some words. I asked a friend of mine, Lt. Barclay, who spent his teen years in Nigeria and Lagos what two words would sound good and mean "strong chef" and he said something like "Komot Oyinbo", and that I should make sure to ask my nephew for clearer words, and then he smiled.
"Komot Oyinbo", by the way, loosely
translates to "Go away, white man."
So please, would you help me with this?
Now, nephew Paul, I also want you to know that I have your best interests at heart. So please, when the postman delivers that 100 dollar bill to you, spend it wisely.
End log,
Adm. "Uncle Jim" James T. Kirk, (Ret.)